


Joy and Sorrow

by purpleskiesandcherrypies



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-22
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2019-03-22 14:31:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13766148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purpleskiesandcherrypies/pseuds/purpleskiesandcherrypies
Summary: Ella grew up feeling her soulmate. She knows that her soulmate is out there and she’s determined to find them.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I got this idea in my head and I really wanted to write it down and since I know that some of you love soulmate AU’s, here’s the first part of mine.
> 
> Also I kept it in gender neutral pronouns at first because we live in a world where a soulmate can just be anybody. She doesn’t know who’s it was and I wanted to keep it that way.

**_**Ella’s POV**_   
**

Do you know what it feels like to grow up and feel everything your soulmate feels? 

The first decade of my life, I could only feel their joy. I was happy when they were. Frankly, that didn’t happen too often and from an early age on, I made sure that I did everything I could to keep myself happy. I hoped that they could feel it and will know that happiness does exist. Every time I felt the happiest, I would look up to the sky and hoped that their heart was as full as mine.  _“I know that you’re out there. I hope you can feel it.”_ I’d whisper to myself.

> _“Happy Birthday, sweetheart!”_  My mom greeted me with a present as soon as I opened up my eyes. It was my 4th Birthday and I was happy.
> 
> _“In a moment.”_  I told her, as I made my way to the window and looked out into a wonderful January day.
> 
> It had stopped snowing and the sun is showing. I watched the birds fly by as I looked up to the sky.  _“Happy Birthday. I hope you can feel me.”_  I whispered to myself, and I hoped that they did.

 

* * *

****

**_**Dean’s POV**_ **

> Mom greeted me with a soft kiss on the top of my head. It was a wonderful day. It’s my birthday and I have been anticipating this day. I opened my arms wide and pulled her into a hug as I placed my ear on her growing bump. _“Hi little brother.”_  I whispered, and I could feel him kicking at me.
> 
> _“We’ll be waiting downstairs, honey.”_  My mom said before she got out of my room and made her way downstairs. I could already smell the breakfast my dad was making.
> 
> I went to the window and looked up to the sky.  _“Happy birthday, wherever you are.”_  I smiled before I turned around and got dressed.

 

* * *

__

_****Ella’s POV**** _

Everything began to change after my fourth birthday. I noticed that the frequency of them feeling joy had changed. It got less and less, up to the point where I would go a year without even feeling them at all. It worried me but also especially during that time, I was keeping myself happy, hoping that they would feel me.

In my teen years, the happiness that I felt made room for sadness. This was probably the hardest years, as I never knew someone could be so sad. As if they only had one emotion - sadness - and they were trying to hide it from the world. Maybe it works for the people around them but for me? I felt everything. The sadness was sometimes unbearable and I would cry myself to sleep, without a reason at all.

I tried to cheer them up and I tried not to be sad myself which was not that easy. I had a phase of being a rebellious teen but I quickly changed my ways. Especially when I felt that they were sad themselves. I felt that they were sad a lot and I was under the impression that they didn’t need more of it in their life. I kept myself happy and tried my best to avoid being sad, playing by the rules, being the best of human that I can. Every time I was sad and upset, I felt guilty for making them go through this.

 

* * *

 

_****Dean’s POV**** _

> _“When’s dad going to be back.”_  Sam was nagging me the whole week already and I can not take it anymore.
> 
> _“Shut up! Will you?! I don’t know. Soon! Alright?!”_  I yelled at him, making him run into his room and slammed the door behind him.
> 
> He needs time and me too. I took a couple of deep breaths before I poured a glass of milk and opened up the pack of cookies. I took some out and stashed them in my pant pockets before I made my way to our bedroom and knocked at the door.
> 
> _“Sammy? Can I come in?”_ When I didn’t hear an answer, I carefully opened up the door to find Sam lying on his bed, his head buried deep in the pillow. His whole body was shaking.
> 
> Carefully I strolled over to his bed and placed the milk on the nightstand before I sat down.
> 
> _“I’m sorry.”_  I began to say before I exhaled audibly.  _“I miss dad too. He’ll be here soon.”_  My hand stroked his hair and it worked. He looked up at me.
> 
> _“Hey, do you want cookies?”_  I grinned as I stood up from the bed and fished out the cookies from my pant pockets.
> 
> _“You kept them in there?”_  Sam looked at me, traces of tears still on his cheeks.
> 
> _“Yeah, had to improvise. I couldn’t open the door if I was holding them in my hands.”_ Sammy was looking at me weirdly at first but then he started to smile and it was like my whole heart began to smile back at him. 

I hoped that my soulmate could feel that short period of me not being sad. I really hoped they did because I began to feel guilty of what I’m making them go through.  
  


* * *

 

_****Ella’s POV**** _

Things started to change when we both turned 18. The minute I turned 18, a wave of pain hit me at once. The sadness was gone. All I could feel was their pain. I didn’t know where they were or what they were doing but I could feel their pain that was there, constantly. Sometimes, I would wake up, black and bruised. Sometimes, I would go to bed bleeding from a cut, so deep that I need to bandage myself or admit myself to the ER. The physical pain was endurable, what worried me more, though, was the mental pain they were in. The pain they had in them, the fight they are putting up each and every day of their life; it hurts more than every cut and every bruise I ever felt.

> _“What happened to you?”_  My mom asked me when I walked out of my room one morning with a black eye.
> 
> _“I..I don’t know. I woke up like this. I think they got into a fight or something”_  I said.
> 
> _“You better be staying home today.”_  My mom said, and I knew that she’s probably cursing them now. 

She always said that it’s not normal for person to be this sad and in pain but I always defended them. I want to believe that I could help them and this was what I’m holding on to. I want to meet them, ease their pain.

 

* * *

 

**_**Dean’s POV**_ **

> _“Dean, you good?”_  Dad and I, we were sitting in a café, as the pain hit me. I lay my head on to the table, the cool surface helped soothe my pain, my hands clutched at my stomach.
> 
> _“Yeah. I’m ok. I just need a minute.”_  I stammered and before I knew it, another wave of cramps hit me.
> 
> _“She’s on her period, huh?”_ Dad smirked because he knows how it felt.
> 
> _“It’s freaking annoying and painful.”_  I managed to say.
> 
> _“Wait until you experience child birth, son.”_  Dad chuckled as he continued to look through the local paper.
> 
> _“Yay.”_  I rolled my eyes and turned my face so I could cool off the other cheek.

 

* * *

__

_****Ella’s POV**** _

After years and years of ongoing pain, I was determined to find them. They might not feel the need to find me, since I rarely injure myself and I always kept my head up, not wanting to add to the pain they already felt, but I need to find them. I need to make sure they’re ok and I need for them to know that I am here for them.

Soulmates have an unspoken bond. There’s always an invisible magnetic force that draws us towards each other if one of us should want to look for the other. I took my chance. I got in my car and drove. I didn’t know exactly where I am going but I knew that one day, I will reach my destination.

_“Are you sure you want to do this?”_  Mom asked me as I was packing my stuff.

_“I have to.”_  I hugged her tight before I let go and wiped away her tears.

Waving good-bye to my mom, I set out in the beat up car of my late grandmother. I knew that I want to find them. I need to.


	2. Chapter 2

**_**Ella’s POV**_ **

I have lived in 3 different States for the past year. I never stayed in one place longer than a month. I worked at bars, restaurants and café’s to earn some money and feeding myself. I knew that I should keep going because I’ve been here for far too long. I have the feeling that I’m getting closer to my soulmate and I’m not givng up.

Sitting in my motel room before my last shift for this job starts, I looked through the map and decided where to go next. I started off in Iowa, then I was in Minnesota and now North Dakota. I traced my finger along the map, deciding if I should travel down to South Dakota or if I should head west and settle myself in Montana.

Placing my hand in front of my eyes, I pointed at the map with my finger and circled around it. It was my way to make a decision. I let my finger rest on the map and it pointed to Sioux Falls in South Dakota. Sioux Falls it is then.

I packed my bags and check out of the motel before I drove to my job. It’s not going to be easy letting go of people who I came to adore in such a short period of time.

_“Taking out the trash, Earl. Anything else I need to take out while I’m at it?”_ I called out to the owner who was sitting at the back in his office.

_“No Ella, thanks so much. Come in before you leave, will ya. Will give you money and a hug for good luck!”_ Earl replied, followed by a chuckle.

Opening the door to the back of the bar, I stepped out into the chilly night.  Everything was still and dark. I hate to take the trash out, it has always been my least favorite part of the job. While I swung the bag into the bin, I heard someone coming up behind me.

Turning myself around, I looked into a set of eyes that weren’t really there. I mean, his eyes were black as night. I felt a cold shudder ran down my spine and I think my heart stopped beating for a moment. I couldn’t move a single muscle as I felt his hands clawed around my throat. All of a sudden, another man appeared next to him. The same black eye looked at me before he came closer and sniffed at me. The pressure on my throat got more intense, I couldn’t breathe.

_“I smell Winchester.”_ I heard one man growl to the other.

_“We better get out of here, man. I don’t want to live on earth with one Winchester hunting for my ass while the other one is expecting me in hell. We wanted to keep it low, remember?”_ They looked at each other and then nodded. As if they were communicating the rest of their conversation in their minds.

Before I know it, they disappeared soundless and quick as they appeared and were gone.

I ran inside as quick as I could and was panting hard when I arrived in Earl’s office.

_“Look at you, darling! What happened?”_ He was worried and was by my side as fast as his old self allowed.

 

_“It’s alright, Earl. Everything’s fine.”_ My hand went up to my throat and I felt my neck bruising up. I will probably have to wear a scarf for the next couple of days.

_“You sure you don’t want to go to the ER? I’ll take you there.”_ Earl was really worried and I know that I’ll miss this man terribly.

_“Earl, I’m alright. I really need to get going if I want to reach the next town in time.”_ I said, as I opened up my arms to hug him. _“Thanks for everything.”_ I said, as I placed a kiss on his cheek.

_“Take this. It’s more than your salary but I figured you could use it. And if you should want to come back, my door’s always open for you, kid.”_ He handed me an envelope that felt too thick. I could swear that I saw a tear at the corner of his eyes before he hastily brushed it away. _“I hope that you’ll find who you’re looking for.”_

Later, I sat in my car and waved goodbye to Earl. As I drove through the night, the words of the men kept ringing in my ear. “I smell Winchester.”. Was that the name of my soulmate? Why were they afraid of them?

 

* * *

 

**_**Dean’s POV**_ **

_“Idjits!”_ Bobby reached us in under a days drive and I was glad to see the old man.

_“Happy to see you too, Bobby.”_ I said, leaning against Baby.

_“Let’s get going, I want to go home.”_ Bobby grunted as he hopped out of his truck.

_“Yeah, let’s. I wanna fix her up.”_ I said to Bobby as he towed my Baby. Our last case didn’t treat her well and before I take on another case, I want to get her up and running again first.

Later, as we sat around the table, drinking and eating, I felt a sudden pressure on my neck. It didn’t hurt at first but then the pain got intense. I couldn’t breathe and was holding my throat with both my hands as Sam and Bobby looked at me in shock. After a short while – but to me, it felt like forever – everything was gone. I felt my throat clearing up again, the only thing that was left was a red handprint on my neck.

_“What was that?”_ Bobby asked in disbelief.

_“I think she’s in trouble.”_ I said, my hand still clutching my neck.

 

_“Maybe we should go find her.”_ Sam suggested.

_“I can’t. We have other things to take care of.”_ I know that’s no excuse. Truth was, I didn’t want to find her. Not now anyway. I didn’t need someone else to be attached to, someone to worry over me, someone I care too much about. After all, I’ll be gone in under a year’s time.

_“You know that’s not true, Dean.”_ Sam said, he was angry. He had the right to be. _“We’ll find a way out of this, you know we will!”_

I cleared my throat before I took a swig from the bottle. Swallowing was hard. Not only because of my throat but also because of the guilt that is eating me up alive. But look at it this way, if I wouldn’t have made the deal with the crossroads demon a couple of days ago, we wouldn’t all be sitting at this very table, arguing about if we should go out and find my soulmate or not. Instead, we would have to bury Sam and I couldn’t do that. He’s all I have left.

_“What will you do? The hounds are going to come for me, Sammy. I don’t need for her to be worried about me too! Because you guys are already doing one hell of a good job staring at me with your pity eyes every fucking day! You think I don’t see that? Because I do! But I don’t need pity. I need for you to show me that you guys are going to do the right thing after I’m gone.”_ I stood up from my chair so fast, I knocked it to the ground. I didn’t bother picking it up before I walk out the door and slammed it shut extra loud and hard after me.

Outside, I looked up to the night sky and I hoped that she’s alright. 

 

* * *

 

**_**Ella’s POV**_ **

It happened that my car broke down just a couple of miles before I would reach Sioux Falls. This is what I deserved, really. I’ve been driving this car for way too long and it was only a matter of time until I would have to part with it. I got out and hiked my way into town and I was glad that a lovely lady stopped to take me with her.

 

_“Where do you want to go, honey?”_ She rolled down her window to take a look at me.

_“Uhm..I don’t know. Could you maybe drop me at the next scrap yard or garage? Maybe I can get my car towed and see if I get some money for the parts?”  
_

_“Sure can.”_ She answered with a smile and let me settle next to her before she drove off. _“What brought you here, dear?”_

_“Fate.”_ I answered short and started to smile when I looked out of the window as we were driving through the town.

_“Yes, fate.”_ The old woman whispered under her breath and smiled to herself.


	3. Chapter 3

_****Ella’s POV**** _

_“Do you believe in fate, darling?”_ The lady asked me and I turned my head to look at her. Gone was the old woman but a young one was staring back at me, a bright smile on her face. 

My jaw dropped, I couldn’t believe what I saw. _“B.. but you. What..-”_ My hand instinctively went to the door handle. I know it’s stupid to try to open the door while the car is still driving but in that moment, I was confused and frightened. Of course it was locked and the woman began to chuckle.

_“Now, you don’t want to jump out of a moving car, do you? We’ve got so much hope for you, darling.”_ She said, still smiling.

_“Wh..who are you? What are you?”_ I asked with a shaking voice.

_“We’re here.”_ She said and turned her body to face me. _“I’m one of the good ones.”_ She took my hand into hers. _“When I heard what happened last night, I just wanted to make sure that you get here alright. Never stop believing in fate, darling. And oh.. don’t try to alter the future, it won’t end well.”_ She _said_ calmly but it was more of a warning than a suggestion. I opened up the door and stepped out. I didn’t want to be in that car a second longer. _  
_

* * *

_“Hello?”_ I waited a couple of seconds but there was no answer.

_“Hello!”_ I called out again, louder.

_“Who are you?”_ A grim looking man asked me, in one hand a flask and a gun in the other.

_“Don’t shoot!”_ I raised my hand in the air, dropping my bag to the ground, my heart was beating fast. _“Please?”_ I looked at him, tears forming in the back of my eye. Never have I been threatened with a gun before in my life.   
  
_“I..my car broke down. I need someone to tow it. It’s a small white Toyota, two miles north of Sioux Falls. You can’t miss it, well maybe you will because the car’s too small. The old lady, well she was old at first but then she was young.. Sh..she dropped me off here.”_ I stammered inaudibly and I’m mad at myself for talking too much when I’m nervous.

He raised his eyebrows and lowered his gun before spraying me with the liquid he had in his flask. I closed my eyes and when I opened them again, the man seemed to be content.

_“Dean!”_ He cried out and after a long while, a guy came around the corner, his hands dirty as he has been working on a car.

_“I need you to go and tow a car with that lady.”_ He pointed over at me and I could see that Dean wasn’t really pleased to be disturbed.

_“Why can’t Sam go? You know I need to get that car running, Bobby.”_

_“Damn, boy, stop whining and just do it!”_ Bobby said and slapped Dean on the back of his head.

_“Ouch!”_ Dean and I said in unison and that’s the moment we knew it.

We stared at each other, neither one of us was sure what to do next.

_“I think you two need a minute. The car can wait. It won’t go anywhere anyway.”_ Bobby said and walked back into the house.   
  


* * *

_**  
**Dean’s POV**** _

_“It’s you.”_ I couldn’t quite believe that she was standing before my very eyes. She looks worn, a scarf around her neck, she probably didn’t get a lot of sleep last night. Neither did I. I could see that she was hot under the scarf. She probably used it to cover up her bruises. Her sweat pooling on her forehead, as she was looking at me, still wet from the holy water Bobby splashed in her face.

I pinched the flesh on my forearm between my fingers and twist it around, hard.

_“Ow! What was that for?”_ She yelped loudly, her voice still horse from the choking. That was the reminder that I needed, that she has indeed found me and was standing in front of me. The things I said last night, I really meant them, but seeing her now, everything changed. I never knew how much I needed her until I saw her. _  
_

_“Just a test.”_ I shrugged and immediately, she jumped into my arms.  
  


* * *

  
_****Ella’s POV**** _

Dean wasn’t prepared and was surprised that I jumped into his arms, but he caught me. Like I knew he would; I trusted him blindly, even though I don’t know him at all. I hooked my legs behind his back, my arms wrapped around his neck as I looked at him again. I was studying him, I never wanted to let him go again, I wanted to drink him in, remembering every freckle on his face. That was the man I was searching for my whole life. The guy who made me a better person. For him. I wanted to ease his pain and now I’m here and I hope that I can do it.

Dean studied my face as I did his. We were standing there for a while, with him still holding me up.

_“You broke your arm when you were 19.”_ He stated as a fact.

I nodded.

_“I missed out on a hunt because I woke up and my arm was broken.”_ Dean had to grin when he thought back to the day.

> _“I can’t go. I think my arm is broken.”_ Dean said when he rolled out of bed.
> 
> _“Are you fucking kidding me?”_ His dad asked as he was in the middle of packing the things into the trunk.
> 
> _“Dad, I need to go see a doc first.”_ Dean said, his arms limping beside his body.
> 
> _“Fine. Do what you have to do. You can sit out on this one. I’ll get in touch.”_ John said and drove off.
> 
> It wasn’t much the pain of the broken arm that he felt. It was the pain of being abandoned by his dad that hurt the most.

_“You got shot when you were 25.”_ I said and I almost had tears in my eyes. _“I remember bleeding from my shoulders when I was at a party. I ended up in the ER and missed my friend’s birthday.”_

_“I’m sorry.”_ Dean whispered as he pulled me closer and kissed me ever so softly. 

_“It doesn’t matter. I was glad that you were alive.”_ I smiled at him and kissed him again, just to make sure that I’m not dreaming all of this.

I knew that my search was over and he’s mine to keep.   
  


* * *

_**  
**Dean’s POV**** _

_“That’s Sam, my brother.”_ I introduced her to Sam and he was quite surprise to see me introducing a girl to him since I’ve never done it before. Sam was looking at us, his eyes wide.

_“Ah..uh.. Ella. My soulmate.”_ I added and that when it dawned on Sam and he too, began to smile a bright smile at her.

_“Oh, I’m so sorry for that.”_ Sam said, winking at Ella and she could catch me rolling my eyes before I slapped him over his head.

_“I bet your soulmate is now cursing you.”_ I chuckled and smiled at her. She was trying to fight back her laugh.

_“Well then, I leave you two alone for a bit. I..uh..have to be somewhere.”_ Sam stood up from his chair.

_“Yeah, you can go and tow her car!”_ Bobby yelled from the other room and Sam rolled his eyes while he reluctantly took the key for the towing truck.

 

* * *

 

_****Ella’s POV**** _

Dean told me everything. It’s the least he could do after I made the effort to search for him. He also told me why he never searched for me.

_“I never wanted to meet you. I never wanted to believe you to be real.”_ He said truthfully and let out a sigh. I could feel that his heart was heavy and there was this feeling of pain again.

_“I’m sorry but I never wanted to bring you into my life. Drag you into this mess. It’s not a life you’ve probably dreamed of.”_ He took a big gulp from his beer.

I placed my hand to his face, cupping his cheeks as I blinked a tear away. _“I’m sorry that you have to feel this way.”_

Dean leaned into my hand, as if he was relieved to have someone there to share the pain. _“I’m sorry what I made you go through. This is not what I wanted for you.”_ He whispered into the palm of my hand when he turned his face to kiss it.

_“I’m here now and I’m not leaving.”_ I smiled bravely. _“It’s worse to know that you’re in pain and I can not do anything to help you. At least now I can try to help.”_  
  


* * *

__

_****Dean’s POV**** _

That night, we had a lot to catch up on. We sat there and just talked and I felt that I have reached my destination. I am finally home. I told her every little detail about my life, we cried and laughed together throughout the night.

_“Are you scared now? I wouldn’t blame you if you’d leave, you know?”_ I was afraid to look her straight in the eye. But I meant it, I wouldn’t be mad if she would leave and hiked her way to the next state.

_“It takes more than that to scare me away. Besides, I’ve not really a good girl myself.”_ She smiled a brave smile and I could see that she meant it.

I placed her hand in mine and entwined my fingers into hers. _“I’m glad.”_ I had a shy smile on my lips and she smiled back.

_“I’m really sorry to have caused you so much pain.”_ I exhaled and leaned back on the sofa, spreading out my arms for her to climb in. She placed her head into the crook of my neck. It was the happiest I felt in a long time.

With one hand, she took my hand in hers. _“You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. I don’t blame you. And I think making you go through my period pain every month makes it’s equal?”_ I smirked and he nodded at me. _“I have one condition, though.”_

_“Shoot.”_ I looked down at her, raising an eyebrow.

She tilted her head up to see my face. _“Always be frank with me. Tell me what worries you, only then can I help you and ease the pain.”_

I began to smirk. _“Yes, ma’am.”_ I said, before he kissed the top of my head.

 

* * *

 

**_**Ella’s POV**_ **

I didn’t know then, that he was not being frank with me. There was something troubling him but he couldn’t tell me. Not yet at least. Maybe he never will be able to.


End file.
